podcast

Hi everybody. Welcome back to Calm Your Caveman. We're gonna talk today about what to do when it feels like the sky is falling. In those moments when it feels like you are surrounded and crushed by problems that are way bigger than you are, that you cannot solve, but that are going to basically ruin your future, threaten you in some really fundamental, important way, how can you continue on? We all know what it feels like to be in this state. When I get in this state, what happens to me? I, I can't produce. I can't be creative. I end up just pacing and worrying and scrolling excessively to try and figure out what the internet has to say about what the future holds for me. It affects my sleep. I end up feeling tense in my muscles and in my, you know, my brain. So I, I'm unable to be creative. I'm, I'm unable to rest adequately. I can't take care of myself or the people around me. I, I'm not even gonna cook or eat well because it feels like too much trouble, too much time away from this threat, which is looming, to think about nutrition. And, you know, I don't even feel like I can exercise. I can't really absorb any information except for information directly related to the threat. I can't learn things except for things directly related to the threat. I can't remember things except for what's directly related to the threat. My mind gets absolutely consumed and commandeered by the threat, my focus and my energy, it takes up everything that is at my disposal.
And this can be good when there is something that you can do about the threat. For example, when we first moved to Brazil, the first house that we rented was right on the beach. There was a house and then there was a big yard, and then there was a great big wide beach, and then there was the ocean. And it was a beautiful place to live. But in the winter, on this particular beach, a lot of times the ocean gets kind of agitated. Well, what happened this winter when we had just moved in was that the ocean came way up and it actually ate up all of the beach. So there was no beach. So it was just our house and then the yard and then the ocean right there. And I started to get worried and I contacted the owners of the house and I said um, maybe we should move, you know, this doesn't seem right. And they said, oh, don't worry, this happens every year. The ocean gets, it changes its pattern. One year it even took down the fence at the back of the yard, but then it retreated and everything was fine. So don't worry about it. This is normal. So I thought, okay, I guess I'll just relax because this is gonna go back down. But it continued to come in closer to the house. It ate up enough of the yard that it got to the fence and then it finally, after another week or so, it actually took down the fence. Of course, I'm getting a little bit more worried all the time, but you know, it was a time when we were really busy. My husband had just started a new job. We had five kids under the age of 12. We had a bunch of concerts that were coming up that we were preparing for and rehearsing for, and so we didn't feel like we could focus on the house unless it was really necessary. So we decided that if the ocean got up to this particular line in the yard, that we would move no matter what, and that before that we would try and not worry about it. So, you know, it advanced slowly. You know, after a week, maybe there were a couple more inches of the yard that were gone, but we just kept thinking it'll go back down. It did not continue in that same rhythm though, because after there was a, there was a day where the ocean was really crazy and it ended up eating a whole three feet, a whole meter of our yard in one day. And then the next day it ate the whole meter again, and it was already up to this line that we had established. We thought, you know, at the rate that it was going, that if it got up to this line, we would have plenty of time to get out of the house still because it was only going this fast, you know, so fast. Just a couple of inches a week. But as things progressed, it got faster and faster. It was getting closer and closer. It was eating up a meter in a day, and I realized, oh my goodness. We set this line too close to the house. We have got to move now. And here we are with all of this stuff on our shoulders. My husband was overwhelmed at work, and so it was up to me. I had to find a house for us to move into in one day, and we had to move out within one day. How in the world was I going to solve this problem? How was I gonna find a house, get all of the family and all of the belongings out of the house in one day? Well, my, my mind was hyper-focused on this threat, and I went to work and I found a house. I found a house in one day. I figured out all of these unsolvable problems. I figured out how to get out of the contract legally and have all of the, the legal procedures that had to be done for us to be able to not have to pay penalties to move outta the house. I, I found boxes. I found people to help us. Our violinist from our quartet was visiting us because we had some concerts with her and bless her heart, she helped us so much to move. Several people from our church congregation helped us to move, and we were able to get everybody out of that house and into the new house within one or two days. And it was a really good thing because the ocean continued to undermine the house continued to take sand away from under the house, and within a week the house actually collapsed because it didn't have ground underneath it, and so it fell.
So this was the power of that hyperfocus on the threat. I was in ultra threat mother mode because here I am with all of these little children, I've gotta get 'em outta the house or it's gonna fall down because the ocean is going to eat up the house. But this hyper focus on the threat helped me to solve all of those problems. So this is one example of how when there's something you can do about the threat, that hyperfocus can be beneficial.
But what about when the things that are giving you that sense of threat are not within your power to solve? What if there are things that are totally beyond your control? Things on a national, on an international level, that are just simply not something that you can fix, but that they still seem really threatening to you. They seem to be very pertinent to your life, to your children's lives. They feel like it's going to cause problems that need to be solved. How can you deal with this type of a situation? Well, this is where I wanted to bring my dad onto the show. because I feel like he has a good approach. My dad is someone who is very up on national and international politics and issues in the world. He's always watching the news. He knows what's going on. He knows about great big national and international level problems that we are facing in the world today. But his approach is, I think, especially good, and that's why I wanted to bring him on to interview so you could see a little bit what my dad does to deal with this type of a threat?
So I wanted to invite you on the podcast today, dad, because I really admire the way that you have found in your own personal life to act in situations where you feel like the problems are really big. I, I know for me personally, there was a time. Um, a few years ago where I was feeling like there were a lot of problems in the world that were, that were crushing me and that I couldn't do anything about them, and the effect was that it kind of made me feel impotent and made me kind of curl up in a corner and just feel really anxious and depressed. And it, it didn't, it didn't help me to deal with the problems that were actually in front of me. You know, that were actually within my reach. But you have found a personal way to deal with that. Can you talk a little bit more about that?
Yes, I've long felt. We have too great an access to national and international news and uh,, insufficient access to local news and things we can do. I guess my, uh, uh, interest in, uh, local things happened after I retired. I ran for office and was running for a party that wasn't popular, so I didn't get in. And then I asked by the mayor of our town to run a sustainability program and, uh, that resulted in me being sort of the sustainability environmental person for the city of Provo, Utah for the last 14 years. And, uh, that automatically forces me to think about local things. But I also think it helps to remember the Alcoholics Anonymous Prayer, which really was something that Reinhold Niebuhr said at the end of a sermon, "God grant me the grace to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference." So as things have gotten worse on the national level here lately, that's been helpful for me. I just throw up my hands to what's going on in Washington and, attend to, uh, trying to get everybody to, to go electric here in, in, in my local neighborhood.
So tell me more about why it is that you are focusing on, um, teaching people to go electric. What, what impact can that have?
Well, the, the, the, uh, environmental impact is that, uh, something like 30% of the pollution and global warming gases, uh, produced in the United States come from buildings and houses. And it's going to, to, uh, become an even greater percentage as, automobiles get cleaner. Right now, automobiles are the main cause of, of pollution and global warming gases. But, uh, houses are important and everybody just has natural gas that they burn or propane or some of 'em even burn um, petroleum and all those produce a lot of, of, uh, global warming gases and pollution. And if we can go electric, that would reduce it, uh, partly because it's more efficient. Even if the, even if the electricity is produced with, with, uh, fossil fuels.
So tell me what you've done to first of all, in your own life to get things all electric in your home, and then as far as what you've done to help other people, inspire other people to do that on a local level.
I figured I, I couldn't very well tell other people to do what I wasn't willing to do for myself. I read a book by Bill Gates about heat pumps, and he was talking about the, the green premium, how much extra we're gonna have to put out to help, uh, African countries and other less developed countries uh, go green. And he, he focused on the heat pumps. He said heat pumps are a win-win. they're, uh, they take a little bit to put in, but then you, you make that back by how efficient they are because they're more efficient than regular, fossil fuel fired heating devices. So I thought, well, maybe we ought to get a heat pump. So the first thing we did was to buy a, a heat pump clothes dryer. Then, when we had trouble with the downstairs furnace, then I said we better get a heat pump instead of a another gas furnace. And uh,so we put in a, a little heat pump to replace the furnace, and that worked out well. And I figured, way to go, we're gonna do this. And so the next summer when our air conditioner uh, was faltering, I said we better replace that air conditioner with a heat pump. Then I got reading online that you can get a water heater that's a heat pump water heater.
Mm-hmm. So now you're, you're you, you don't have any gas appliances in your house.
we have no gas in our house at all. And I called up the gas company, I said, turn off the meter. And, uh, the, the, uh, clerk answering the phone said, well, are you moving? No. Are you going on vacation? No. So why do you wanna turn off the, the gas meter? I says, 'cause we don't need it.
Good for you. And then you also have solar put in solar panels, right?
That's, that's not, that's not essential to having an all electric house by any means, but it does help us with our, with our electric bills.
Mm-hmm.
But even not counting what we, we get from, uh, from, uh, the solar panels, uh, I figured that our, our costs for heating and air conditioning were $16 cheaper per month on average.
And then you also got a, an electric lawnmower and found other ways to just reduce your emissions, right?
Yes. Uh, actually that was the, the electric yard tools. They were the first thing we did to get rid of our fossil fuels around, and we, we convinced Provo City Power to have a rebate system.
Uhhuh, so you, you worked on trying to get the city to, to make this rebate for trading, people trading in their gas lawnmowers and buying a an electric lawnmower instead.
Yes, we're we're fortunate here in city of Provo that we have a municipal power system, so it's owned by the, the citizens of Provo, we can go in and talk to the people who are directors of Provo City Power and say, well, what do you think about this? And we, we first sold them on the, the yard tools. I said, will reduce pollution and people will be using more electricity. And then they did that and that worked out well. And then I said after a while, well, what about maybe A rebate for heat pumps and they thought a while and they said, yeah.
Yeah. You have a hi, a hybrid vehicle so that your, your car doesn't, most of the time you're using electric to drive around town.
We did get the, the, the plugin hybrid fairly early, partly because I knew that automobiles were the main cause of pollution and climate change.
Mm-hmm.
And that, uh, has worked out. We, since we're old and don't drive around a whole lot almost all of our driving is electric, so we only buy gas about twice a year .
So, okay, so that's what you've done for your own house, but then you didn't stop there because you're, you're actually trying to be an activist and try and help make a difference somehow on the local level. So tell me what you've done um, to try and teach other people.
Well, I, I have a friend who works with me on this, uh, Provo's sustainability committee, and he was really excited about this and he said, how about we get some people together to come to your house and you can show 'em the heat, the heat pumps, and, and that they work and, that, and that it has been doable for you. And so we've had five different sessions with, uh, groups of people coming in and I give them a sheets that would tell them how the, the incentives and the costs and, and they see what we have. And so far the people who've followed the advice seem to be satisfied . And that we also have encouraged, uh, recycling and try to edu educate the public about recycling. Uh, your mother goes around to every school and Provo, least she invites every school in Provo to let her come in and to, to speak to the children about air pollution , what it, what it is, what causes it, what their family can do to reduce it,
Mm-hmm.
So we, we do a lot of community outreach. In, in addition to what Janelle does in, in the public schools, we have, three or four, uh, displays per year where we, we, uh, inform the public about what they can do, and that's where we push doing the right thing to reduce pollution and to go all electric in the homes
Mm-hmm.
And
so talk to me a little bit about, um, how this activism in your local sphere doing little things, how does that affect you personally, as far as being able to deal with the fact of great big problems like climate change, global warming, and also political situations that are bigger than what you can really influence, how does that help you to deal with these big problems?
I think everybody, uh, is helped by having a little something they can do, and my motto is, a little something's better than a big nothing. And, uh. Since I can do a little something, it makes, makes me feel like, Ooh, this is good. It's sort of like what, uh, mother, uh, Teresa said that, our, obligation is to, not to succeed, but to, to, to persist.
Hmm.
So that, that's been helpful is to, even though we don't see a lot of change, you, you gotta persist. I've, I've been impressed by Obama's motto that, uh, that do what you can. It'll never be enough, but try anyway.
Mm-hmm.
It'll never be enough, but try anyway. It echoes Mother Teresa.
Well, I just think that it's really, it's really good for people to see an actual example of somebody who, um, who's working within your sphere of influence. You know?
Small small as it, as it is.
' cause, because when, when we're, when we're so preoccupied with things that we don't have any control over, then then it's just, it's just a recipe for anxiety, right?
Well, thanks dad. Thanks for for doing this.
So. I think it's so great that my dad is able to, instead of getting overwhelmed and consumed by problems that are beyond his power to solve problems, that are beyond his control, that he focus on, focuses on those things that are within his control. And it makes me think of that scene toward the end of the Lord of the Rings where Frodo and Sam are talking, and Frodo says, I can't do this Sam. And Sam agrees. He says, I know. It's all wrong. By rights, we shouldn't even be here, but we are. And he talks about how it's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered full of darkness and danger they were and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy and how could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing. This shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come and when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer . Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back. Only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something. And Frodo asks, what are we holding onto Sam? And Sam says, that there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for. I love the hope that Sam holds onto in this story, but I also love the way that Frodo and Sam fight for solving the problems in their world. They are halflings. They're tiny people. They don't have any particular powers. They're not immortal like the elves. They're not great warriors. They don't have the powers that the Wizard Gandalf has, but they can do something. They can do their little something. And so that is what they focus on doing, on carrying the ring to Mordor and getting rid of, rid of the ring. And when it comes down to it, their little something is a crucial little something. And I think that's what we all need to remember is that we each have a little something that we can contribute that will make a difference, that will be different than what someone else can do, but crucial nonetheless. And if we can focus on our little something, on the things that are within our power, then we will not be overwhelmed by the darkness, that is too big for us to confront head on, face on. We can fix the things that we can do in our own little sphere. We can focus on those things, and that gives us hope and power to keep going. And just think if everybody can focus in this way and do their own little something, that's what makes for change. Just like in the Lord of the Rings, all of the people using their particular skills and their particular talents, which were all different, to fight for good in the world. And that is the solution to feeling overwhelmed even when the sky is falling. So that's what I wanna leave you with today, but don't go away yet, because now we have the kindness narrative. It's your, your Effortless Gratitude practice. It's easy, it's free, and it will help you if you can have this gratitude practice. It will help your brain to stay in that space where you feel like you can handle what's going on, and you can make a difference. Thanks for listening.
In September of 2024, I decided that I wanted to start preparing myself to do an Ironman 70.3, which is half of an Ironman. I wasn't going to go to an official event. It was just gonna be on my own. And I mentioned the fact that I wanted to do this to an aunt of mine. She was gonna visit us at the end of the year.
She, she also used to be a professional triathlete. And she got really excited that I wanted to do this and, and she said that she wanted to, to be there with me while I was doing it and, and help me out and enjoy the moment. I, I didn't know what was the best way to prepare and my swim technique was bad and I didn't had very much training and swimming and on biking.
My running was fine because I've, I've been running for a few years already, but the, the bike and the swim, I wasn't exactly prepared for it, and I started to, to train a lot and, and try and get ready for it. I saw the days coming down and then my aunt arrived and she helped me organize myself, organize the estimated time, organize what I would carry at what time I.
At what place, what transition on the day of, of the race. She woke up before 5:00 AM with me. She helped me gather the stuff. She went to the to the beach, which is where I was gonna start the swim. She got in the water with me and when I got on the transition, she helped me get through the transition, got on the bike, which is the second part of the triathlon.
And when I was getting back from the bike into the second transition, I. She was making sure I had everything I needed and getting everything that I would need to bring. And on the run, she was accompanying me on on a bike. She would buy cold water while we would pass by the stores on the streets, and she was motivating me and just making sure I was all right, even though I was in a really tough spot, was my sixth hour of consecutive cardio exercise and I was.
Really tired, really exhausted, but she really helped me and it was really meaningful for me to have her by me helping me through this, this triathlon.